by Tim Roberts
Don’t go there! Don’t even think for a second I’m about to write something negative about salespeople in Indiana. We’ve got a number of high-performers here. Nope, the “weakest sales state” I would like to address is a character that is alive and well in many unaware salespeople: An Adaptive Child ego state.
All of us are made of four distinct parts, or ego states:
- An Adult ego state is the logical, discerning part of us.
- A Parent ego state is the memory bank of everything mom and dad told us when we were young.
- A Child ego state wants, desires, plays and laughs.
- The Adaptive Child is the memory bank of every feeling we had as children.
Your Adaptive Child sulks and accommodates and does all the things you learned as a kid. It feels depressed, guilty, lonely, inept and embarrassed. It may also feel angry, frustrated or scared as your Natural Child sometimes does. But your Adaptive Child experiences these feelings in situations where they are unwarranted or unnecessary. Your Adaptive Child’s feelings are programmed and predictable--like when you get angry time and time again at the same thing. These feelings are nothing more than repeats from the past and a person can choose not to feel them anymore.
Many salespeople lug this burden around from call-to-call. When David Sandler said “Leave your child in the car!” he was referring to your Adaptive Child.
Buyers love to hook your Adaptive Child. They know if they can you’ll adapt to the subservient position so they get what they want. Unaware salespeople often justify this as being a good service provider--a Servant Salesperson.
To sell with your logical, discerning Adult and curious Natural Child who wishes to give and gain, is powerful. Resorting to mom's and dad’s outdated messages or the low-power position of an Adaptive Child simply won’t serve anyone.
At Sandler Training, Trustpointe, we help salespeople hear themselves first. To learn more about games people play, contact Tim Roberts at 317.845.0041 or tim@thetrustpointe.com.